1.  The Cops Caught a Suspect When His Loud Farts Gave Away His Hiding Spot.  It happened outside Kansas City in July.  The police didn't release a ton of other details.  But really, what else do you need to know?

 

 

 

2.  An Astronaut Was Accused of Committing the First Crime in Space.  NASA's Anne McClain was accused of illegally accessing her estranged wife's bank account from the International Space Station during a mission.  She denied it.  It's not clear what's happened with the case since then.

 

 

 

3.  The Teenager Who Licked a Tub of Ice Cream and Put It Back.  The video went viral and started a whole big thing back in July.  At least one copycat got arrested, and a few stores briefly started putting their ice cream behind lock and key.  It turns out felony food tampering can get you up to 20 YEARS in jail.

 

 

 

4.  A Groom Robbed a Bank the Day Before His Wedding to Pay for the Ring and Venue.  Cops charged 36-year-old Heath Bumpous with aggravated robbery, and the wedding was cancelled.

 

 

In other relationship troubles, a guy in Oklahoma stole a Pepsi truck to drive to the airport and catch his girlfriend before she left him.  But instead, he rear-ended an empty school bus and got arrested.

 

 

 

5.  Five Hitmen Got Busted After They All Kept Subcontracting the Hit.  A businessman in China hired a hitman to kill a guy who was suing him.  That hitman hired another hitman . . . who hired another hitman . . . who hired another hitman . . . who hired yet ANOTHER hitman.  All of them are now in jail.

 

 

 

6.  A Guy Robbed a Caricature Artist and Left His Drawing Behind.  This was a late add, because it just happened.  But it's so ridiculous, it had to make our top 10.  Cops released the drawing, and they're hoping someone can I.D. him from it.

 

 

 

7.  A Guy Took an Ax to His Family's Car, Because He Thought His Wife Damaged His Action Figures.  He also destroyed a TV and laptop.  When cops got there, the ax was still stuck in the windshield of his car.

 

 

In other FAMILY DRAMA crime this year . . .

 

 

. . . a 13-year-old boy stabbed his older brother in the arm before a family road trip because, quote, "I'd rather be in jail than [spend] eight hours in the car with him."

 

 

. . . and a guy in Ohio attacked his brother for not supporting his dream to audition for "America's Got Talent".

 

 

 

8.  A VHS Rental Store Turned out to Be a Front for a Gambling Ring.  Because there's nothing conspicuous about running a VHS RENTAL STORE in 2019.

 

 

 

9.  A Guy Went Viral for Buying a Ton of Girl Scout Cookies . . . Then Got Busted by the D.E.A. for Drug Trafficking.  He bought all the cookies two girls had, so they didn't have to stand out in the cold.  And for one day, he was a hero . . . until it turned out he was also a wanted criminal.

 

 

 

10.  A Woman Got Banned from Walmart for Riding a Motorized Cart While Drinking Wine Out of a Pringles Can.  So, just class through and through.  After that, someone on Etsy was selling Pringle can wine tumblers for a while.

 

 

And in other Walmart nonsense, a drunk woman in Pennsylvania walked into a Walmart in July . . . peed on the POTATOES . . . and left

 

 

 

11.  A Woman Gave a Waitress a $5,000 Tip with Her Boyfriend's Credit Card to Get Revenge After a Fight.  The meal cost $55.37, so that's about a 9,000% tip.  The boyfriend called the cops and had her arrested for credit card fraud.

 

 

 

12.  A Guy with an $8 Million Private Island Got Caught Stealing from Kmart.  He bought two coffeemakers, some light bulbs, and a bed skirt, then allegedly put other stuff in the boxes and tried to return it all.  He denied the charges and claimed someone else must have switched out the products.

 

 

 

13.  A Guy Who Flashed His Junk Said He Saw It in a Porno and Thought the Woman Would, Quote, "Respond to It Sexually".  He was incorrect.  She called the cops, and they arrested him for indecent exposure.

 

 

A few more NC-17 crimes from the past year . . .

 

 

. . . a guy in Florida got arrested at Target for getting it on with a stuffed Olaf doll from the movie "Frozen".

 

 

. . . a guy accused of shoplifting turned out to be innocent when the bulge in his pants was actually his 10-INCH JUNK.

 

 

. . . a guy at a Days Inn called 911 after he paid other guests $500 for an orgy, and they didn't show.

 

 

. . . a pervert in Arizona got busted because of a tattoo on his junk that said "Fun Size."

 

 

. . . a guy caught with fake pee for a drug test tried to blame it on his wife's fetish.

 

 

. . . two handcuffed suspects somehow managed to have sex in the back of a cop car.

 

 

. . . and a cop busted up a rowdy threesome, only to find out one of the participants was his WIFE.

 

 

 

14.  A Burglar Tried Using an Inversion Table During a Break-In . . . and Got Stuck.  If you're not familiar, that's an exercise machine where you strap yourself in upside-down and do sit-ups.  Unfortunately, he didn't have enough core strength.

 

 

 

15.  A Drunk Driver Tried to Cover the Smell of Booze on His Breath by Spraying Axe Body Spray in His Mouth.  He encountered three problems . . .

 

 

The cop saw him do it . . . there were empty beer cans all over his car . . . and Axe Body Spray DOESN'T hide the smell of alcohol on your breath.  In fact, it actually has alcohol in it.

 

 

 

16.  A Man Tried to Strangle a Driver Who Wouldn't Stop Singing Christmas Carols.  We don't condone what he did.  But it was early March, so we get it.

 

 

 

17.  A Guy Who Failed His Driving Test 27 Times Got Busted Hiring Someone to Take It for Him.  He got 14 months' probation for fraud, plus 200 hours of community service.  And he still doesn't have a license.

 

 

 

18.  A Guy Named Samuel L. Jackson Got a DUI and Unleashed a String of Profanities.  If he's trying to live up to his name, he's doing a heck of a job.

 

 

But that wasn't the only FAMOUS NAME crime this year . . .

 

 

. . . a guy named Henry Ford was wanted for stealing cars in Detroit.

 

 

. . . a guy named Kevin Bacon crashed into a cop car while watching "Saved by the Bell" on his phone.

 

 

. . . a guy named Luke Sky Walker got in trouble with the law AGAIN, and got another shout-out from Mark Hamill.

 

 

(And another guy named Luke with the middle name "Skywalker" recently got arrested for drugs in Texas.)

 

 

. . . a white guy in Tennessee named Tupac Shakur got caught with drugs and pulled a knife on a cop.

 

 

. . . and at one point in March two guys named Charlie Brown and Elvis Presley were both facing charges.

 

 

 

19.  A College Student Called in a Fake Bomb Threat to Keep His Parents from Visiting Him.  Proving that just because you're in college doesn't mean you're bright.

 

 

 

20.  A Guy Got Busted for Using a Stolen Credit Card After Signing the Name "Thief" on the Receipts.  He used it to buy a Metro PCS phone, then beer and cigarettes at a convenience store.  And he signed "thief" both times.